Understanding Development


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Raising Children to Love, Not Fear

In the article “Raising Children to Love, Not Fear” written by Justin Coulson and published in Institute for Family Studies. The author says that fear is a strong motivator and drives children to obey. But the quality of the relationships suffers, and trust is harmed. Also, children learn that fear and domination help them to get what they want, and this could motivate them to bully others. The worst is that separates children from their emotions, and they learn to obey just when there is a chance they’ll get caught. So, without monitoring, they won’t obey because they don’t develop internal regulations. American Psychological Association published the article: “Parents' use of physical punishment increases violent behavior among youth”. In this study, researchers examined the relationship between young adolescents’ involvement in and attitudes toward violence, parental use of physical punishment, and parental expectations of violence use among youth. The results demonstrated t
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Doctrine & Covenants 121

In Summing Up: Lessons to Guide Your Parenting, the author repeats the same advice that God gave us about disciplining when says “It's important that parents learn to talk to children in a way that is not enraging, doesn't inflict hurt, doesn't diminish their children's self-confidence, or cause them to lose faith in their competence and self-worth.” In the article, there is an example when a taxi driver talks with anger to a kid, and the kid just answers “"Is this the way you talk to a doctor”. I will increase the level of the authority figure with the question: Is this the way you talk to the son of God? The other counsel that God gave to the prophet Joseph Smith is to show the other the mistake, but don’t forget to show greater evidence of genuine love. How do I do both at the same time? In the chapter there are some helpful suggestions: 1. The beginning of wisdom is listening. 2. Acknowledge the child's perceptions, feelings, wishes, tastes, opinions, c
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